You can always point out a new mom, just by looking in her eyes.
The tiredness, sadness, loneliness, It is written all over her face.
How do I know? Well, I have been there twice, and I am here to tell you it’s not going to be easy, not for a long time. But the good news is you can do this. You can get through this time of your life, and you will get through it. You will come out on the other side, feeling stronger and more powerful than ever. Postpartum is not something everyone speaks about, and they should. It is essential, and it is serious. And a lot of women experience it.
I had it after giving birth to both of my children.
I could not understand how, after having this perfect little bundle of joy, why wasn’t I happier? Why did I feel sad, alone, depressed, overwhelmed, panicky, scared? I could not watch anything besides the Hallmark channel for the first ten months of my baby’s life. I could not deal with any negative TV shows or news. I also cried my eyes out the first time I had to drive in the car with my baby. He had reflux badly, and I was so afraid if he spits up while in the car, what if I could not get to him in time. So many things scared me, but looking back now I see a lot of it was postpartum, my hormones were all over the place. It took a good year for me to feel back to myself again, finally. And that was with help. I needed therapy and a high dose of anxiety/anti-depressants.
People don’t usually like to speak of this topic or being on medication. But it is something I need and something I will most likely always need, and I am okay with that. Whatever helps you to feel good, I say do it!
No one tells you that motherhood is one of the hardest things we will ever have to through. But it’s also so gratifying. Seeing your baby smile at you for the first time and giving you all the snuggles and love in the world. It truly is a fantastic feeling.
But I wish someone told me how it was going to be. Maybe prepare me a little better. You think you are going to have it all together and have all this help, but it’s not always that way. We don’t have a clue in the beginning. How are we supposed to know when we have never done it before? It’s a learning experience every single day, and each baby is different, so that makes it even harder. You can read all the books you want, but some babies are more difficult than others. One thing may work for one baby and not for another.
I remember trying so many different things that had worked for other babies but did not work for mine. It made it even more frustrating for me. Why wouldn’t my baby sleep through the night? Why wouldn’t my baby take his bottle or eat solids? I was scared I was messing up, doing it all wrong. And having all these mixed feelings in my own body and mind just made it even more difficult.
Looking back, I had many long days, longer nights, and even some sad days. Also, having had a C-section, I felt many painful and uncomfortable days as well. I was fortunate to have a fantastic family around after both of my pregnancies. I had comfort from them, which was a massive help for me. I had a great group of doctors who also made sure I was healing and taking my daily medication. So, in time, it did get better.
The best advice for new moms would be to keep your head up, take it one day at a time, do your best, and you will be okay. Most importantly, if you feel you need help, please ask for it.
There are days you may feel like you are at your breaking point and you want to give up, some days are too hard to mommy, but that is when you need to be healthy and reach out and ask someone for help. My therapist recently told me that asking for help is considered a strength and not a weakness.
So, don’t let anyone tell you that it’s all on you. Or that asking for help makes you weak because that is not true. Your baby needs their mommy to be at her best, and for us moms to be at our best, we sometimes need a little break or some extra help, a long hot shower or bath is also lovely.
Don’t feel ashamed or upset that you can’t do it all on your own. We aren’t supposed to do it all on our own. But if you take good care of yourself and have friends or family to lean on, then you will get through the most beautiful and toughest time of your life.
About Corey Anne Abreau
Award-Winning Author, Corey Anne Abreau is the mother of two boys, Cole and Carter. Originally from Rhode Island, Corey currently lives in North Attleboro, Massachusetts. The immediate and unbreakable bond Corey felt during pregnancy inspired her to write her first book, Before I Was Born as a way to celebrate the joys of motherhood. Corey’s newest book, Socks is now on Amazon. Her youngest son inspired her to write this adorable and fun book. Be sure to check events for upcoming readings in your area
To see more, view all posts by Corey Anne Abreau here.