A week before Christmas 2014, as I was preparing some homemade gifts, I felt a sudden gush of blood. This was totally unexpected as I was 7 weeks. pregnant. As I looked down at the blood my body shot into a state of panic. What does this mean? Surely it’s not a good sign! What do I do?
I settled on the obvious, going to the ER, as my doctor’s office was closed. There they pocked and prodded me and ran their tests. All they could leave me with was a 50/50 chance of whether or not this was a miscarriage. A week later I finally received the dreaded confirmation, I had in fact miscarried.
Immediately your mind runs to “What did I do wrong?” or “What is wrong with me?” Though the cause is almost always something that was completely out of your control. Your unborn baby’s life flashes before your eyes. All the pretty bows and pink outfits if it were a girl, all the future sports games if it were a boy…You already spent so much time day-dreaming about what you want for this child. Then in an instant it is just gone.
Men don’t seem to quite understand why a miscarriage hurts so much. Yes the baby was hardly ever there at all, but the mothering connection starts instantly. They have had no connection, until they have seen it on the screen or heard it’s heart beat. Otherwise, it is not real to them.
How do you move on from such a heart-breaking thing? You just do. You have to accept that there is nothing you can do to change things, and you have to just find a way to be happy and get past it. Nothing anyone says or does will help. Though it can be helpful to talk with other women who have also experienced miscarriage. I can help not make you feel so alone in the issue.
Throw yourself into things you love, spending time with family, even cooking or cleaning. Whatever can take your mind off of things. Also, think about all the many blessing you already have in your life. Relish in those things! Especially if you already have children, be thankful that they are here in your life and give all your love to them.
I will say that even though I already have son, it felt irrelevant to the situation. I felt at first, “Should I be guilty for feeling so sad when I already have a child, when so many women aren’t able to have any?” The thing is that this was a little life, maybe it didn’t get very far but it was still there growing inside of you. You have every right to be sad at the loss, regardless of whatever else is going on in your life. It definitely helps to get over the loss more quickly when you already have a child.
Know that it is unlikely to have another miscarriage just because you have had one. You may still feel a lot of fear over trying again, and thinking it’s a risk to have another miscarriage. It may feel this way at first, but time will heal and things won’t look as glum. You will find the strength you need to try again. It is ok though, to give yourself plenty of time to recover—emotionally and physically.
All things will come when the time is right and will work out for the greatest good! Hang in there and keep chugging. This too shall pass! Please comment and share your story so we can all lend each other support.
This post was originally posted at thepreggoplanner.com on 1/6/15.