Rachael Pace
Relationship Expert | Mom
Is your partner self-obsessed and controlling?
If so, then you know that being with a narcissist can have a devastating impact on your mental health. It can change the way you view yourself and your future romantic relationships.
If narcissists are toxic, then why is it so hard to leave them?
There may be several reasons for this. Perhaps you’re afraid of being alone, are unsure how your spouse will react to the breakup, are hoping for them to change, or are being controlled in some way by your toxic partner.
There is never a good reason to stay in a damaging relationship. That’s why we’re looking at 6 tips for breaking out of a narcissist relationship for good.
Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
When you hear the term narcissist, you may think of someone who is cruel and outwardly controlling. But the truth is that a narcissist may be more subtle than you think.
How can you tell if you are in a narcissist relationship? Here are the most common signs.
- They are charming. Narcissists are notoriously charming and persuasive.
- You feel awful around your spouse. They have negative energy and are constantly arguing or blaming you for things.
- Spouse only talks about themselves. It’s like pulling teeth to have a proper back and forth conversation.
- Controlling behavior. Gaslighting or manipulative behavior to get their way or to keep you from your loved ones.
- Ignoring boundaries. Shows a complete disregard for your feelings or privacy in favor of their own desires.
- Playing the hero. Narcissists have grandiose personalities and a heightened sense of self-importance. They like to think of themselves as royalty.
- Inability to communicate. Narcissists don’t communicate, they blame or force their partner into submission.
How to Break Up with a Narcissist
- Create a Plan of Action
When breaking away from a bad relationship, it’s important to have a plan of action in advance. Figure out where you are going to stay, how you will make money, what you’re going to tell people, and have a clear list of explanations for your partner about why you are choosing to end the relationship.
A narcissist may resort to violence or verbal abuse when you decide to leave. They may try and freeze your finances and extend every method of control to make you come back to them. This is why it is important to inform close family, friends, and even the police of your intentions of leaving your abusive partner.
You can even request for a police officer to be present when you are leaving your home or gathering your things to ensure that you are able to leave the premises safely.
- Have a Support System in Place
Narcissists enjoy control. This is why they often alienate their partners from their close friends and family. When loved ones are pushed into the background, they are less of a threat to the narcissist.
But now that you’re breaking up with your abusive partner, it’s time to start rekindling your close bonds with friends and family. These ones will help keep you positive and safe during your breakup.
Being around close friends and family after a traumatic event, such as getting out of a toxic relationship, has been proven to significantly lower psychological distress.
- Keep the Truth Firmly in Mind
Narcissists are notorious for using manipulative and hurtful behavior to try and get their way. They may approach you via text, phone calls, social media, or in-person begging you for your forgiveness. They may promise to change.
No matter how hard they beg, keep the truth of your relationship firmly in mind. Remind yourself of their negative qualities, of how you felt being in a relationship with them, and of the emotional and potentially physical damage that your toxic relationship has caused in your life.
Do not give second chances to someone who has already proven time and again that they do not respect you.
- Blocking Social Media Accounts
If you want to end your toxic relationship, it’s important to make a clean break. This means blocking your ex across all of your social media accounts. Block and delete their email, phone number, and change the locks to your house if they had a spare key.
If moving is an option for you, that would be another great way to move on.
If you remove your ex from your social circle both online and in-person, there will be less temptation to rekindle things with them.
- Don’t Blame Yourself
It is easy to fixate on what went wrong in your relationship. You may even start to blame yourself and wonder what you did to deserve such treatment. The answer? Nothing. Your spouse was abusive and nothing you did warranted toxic treatment.
Attending personal therapy can be beneficial if you are suffering from the after-effects of an unhealthy relationship. A therapist is someone who you can bounce your thoughts off of and help you create a plan to move forward.
As you take positive steps to move on from your former partner, practice self-love and focus on hobbies that make you happy. Rediscover who you are outside of a romantic relationship and embrace your positive qualities. Forgive yourself for being in a narcissist relationship and move on.
- Focus on the Future
Being in a narcissist relationship is difficult. It can leave scars on your psyche that will take a lot of time to heal. It’s important to take the time to process (and grieve) your relationship as you would any other.
Once you have processed your breakup, it’s time to start looking toward the future. Do not waste anymore time re-living the pain you’ve been through. Your ex does not deserve your time and attention any longer.
Set goals for yourself and make plans that you can look forward to. This will help make the moving-on process much easier.
Being in a narcissist relationship is both dangerous and damaging. You can break away from your narcissist by creating a plan of action in advance and having a support system in place. Make a clean break from your ex by blocking them across social media. Move on with your life by making plans for the future and forgiving yourself.
About Rachael Pace
Rachael Pace is a noted writer currently associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of her motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying about today’s evolving forms of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on all types of romantic connections. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.
View all posts by Rachael Pace here.
3 Comments on “Breaking off a Relationship with a Narcissist”
It’s tough when the narcissist is your mother…
Really insightful and inspiring for those that need the message
I have been through before! It is very scary and hard to break away. This is a wonderful article that can help many women.